Dear GOD,

TE AMO mas que mi vida x3

i hate it...

i feel the hate, i feel the pride,i feel the tention, i feel the hurt, i feel the fear..so many emotions combined
at times i wonder whats wrong with me ..like i cant even put in words all the emotions that run me pass eachother inside me all at once..
i for some reason miss the good chances i have infront of me nd life nd lay back like fck it... but inside its hurting & i cant believe im letting it go
pride is okay when it comes to a past lover who wasnt worth it ,jus saying in general..but pride is not okay when it comes to school,your father or a person whos truely cares & is there for you...

So im 20 shud be 21 in a few months ..nd yes im STILL in highschool..yes i've had my problems & downfalls but who doesn't ..i hate people who make themselves the victum of something that has NO excuse!..cause when u wanna get somewhere you do it no matter what !..so i aint even gon sit nd act like oh im goin thru sumthin so thts y im not goin..I just happen to not be motivated at all..i find it sad to think i cant even find (ME) as a reason to go on!my attitude is always simply fck it...nd i let it go knowing the oppurtunity is still there..idk why but i just do..

i STILL dont talk to my father , its like i dont wanna hold a grudge with him..but neither do i wanna talk to him unless he's learned his lesson..more than anything i wanna prove to him that i can make it..i wanna be like u see dad i made it & without chu ! ..since the years past i lost the man i truely loved..my father changed so much hangin out on the streets nd with his woman..EVERYTHING changed..his whole personality changed, i found him to become a very 2 faced /person nd a snitch..thats not who he was nd even me & my mother speak about it ..i cant believe how everything turned out...

i hold in some much hurt, so much anger..nd at times i dnt know how to act..i feel at times i cant control it..i get ticked off ,off lil things..i try not to..& i wanna go ack to church..i mustve been made to be gods child cause even in a club i dnt really be into it..i just dnt seem to like it..i never been the kind of gurl to like liquor,or none of that..always loved church for some reason..always been a bright polite innocent girl..always hated a guy to touch me...i always wanted to make my father proud so much to the point i was willing to become a nun just so i wudnt be with any guy cause i knew my dad nd wat he wanted...

is alot goin on nd alot more to come but god dont give us what we cant handel
..nd someway somehow u gotta do what you gotta do..nuttin good in life comes easy..so its sed..........

GOD IS LOVE - RevRun : )

MY GOALS

- job
-25-30 ibs
- finish in june ..lemme take it a step at a time

Dear Blogger,

YES its been a whilee, ive been slackinn..but ive also been stressed with alot of things.. the sittuation w/ the pops,no job..nd other personal things i rather not share on here nd one of my niggas died..shit hit like a brick straight to the chest
im alil bit betta now..i think...& i got a bf, yes im commited now , felt werid at first cus i dnt really do relationships,but yea here am with a great boyfriend so far..lol i hate to always had in the "so far" but like he seds u neva know wat to expect..but to me it's more like u noe wat to expect u just hope its not the same expectations u happen to be right abt due to the past niggas..i aint gon lie..so far hes lead me to NO douts abt him..i feel like i can trust him..for now atleast..i hope none of us eva fall in that situation of cheating EVA! this thing we have feel sooo right , right now..i cudn't have planned it any better myself..2.26.11 : )

LadyLaviSh_ `& Raybop : )