this feeling .........

This feeling that i'm feeling has no words to describe
I seem to contradict myself cause im confused with the vibe
i know what i feel is deep, way too strong
so if i gave em my all ,was it "I" to be wrong ?
I dont know if its games that he play , but i want it to end
Just because i love him doesn't always mean on him i depend
i Can't believe i was gunna give him my all that i had
was it a bad thing or me to try to do? is it really that bad ?
what wouldv'e happened if he took what was mine ?
wouldv'e he done me worser now?..wouldv'e he crossed the line ?
To say iloveyou again would take me alot
I Just wanna burry those bullshit words and allow them to rot
everything with his lips said ,i just cannot believe
It wasn't noone of those girls he did wrong, It was ME he decieved
A first time is a shame on him, 2nd time on me
&& i went back a second time knowing he'll odee
When you fall inlovee with someone how do you turn it off && out?
I always said i neva wanted to be invisoned weak but BOLD && strong cause that's
what i wanna represent and be about
The night i was there ,all it did wat take over
i was falling for him again && being inlove again all over
But for some reason at that moment i stopped to hold back
But then i remembered soul's for sins being held back
Lauren hill said don't be hard rock when you really a GEM
She let me know i was more then that for a moment i stopped to think & come again

i say what i feel i kan care less who gets mad....freedom nof speech

i used to .........

i used to think we were twins until i realized our eyes did not match
i used to think we were twins from so much i thought we were attached
i used to think we were twins till i saw our hair wasnt the same
i used to think we were twins till i realized 4 letters was nothing
but game
i used to think we were twins till i noticed are faces werent alike
so many times we practiced nd fell off the same bike

i used to think flowers last forever till couple days after it died
because i was confused what to do with it& took 2 long just decide
i used to think u kan love forever but eventually it fades
i thought without my twin i'd be hurting ,but is nothing
close to feeling a cut sting of a blade

forever is never forever when u think its gunna last
everything said to a female is repeated by the one from the one
on the side or the previous one from the past

so special aint feeling special if its not directly from the heart
theres a rageouly mess to figure out behind a neatly work of art

`A dear letter to him.

i think bout him everyday , he just dont know ............

IN REALITY HE'S one of the realest i've got !

WORDS, & beyond actions can not kome about not even invisioned in mind to how much this person RIGHt here means to me . He's the ultimate, most amazing, funniest, funnest,bestest friend ever !

when it came down to times i was down , he was there, times of need when i cudn afford shoes, he was there to provide, when i was hungry he was there to provide.ALL my days from freshman year till now he defined my life to nothing but fun & love. I couldnt & wouldn't trade carlos for noone else besides family in the whole wide world becuss he wasnt just a bestfriend but god's gift . ily CJ

OUR BIG RED FRIENDDDD !!!

urghhhh , having my red friend is the worstttt .!

pain !

screamssss !

blowedd !

pills!

kotex !

=/

Abortion...=/ ...mommy Can i please live ?

i'm hidden inside in a ball curled up & i cannot see
i havent formed any body parts yet but i kan imagine how i'll turn out to be
i kant wait to have my arms,legs and also my feet !
i'm on my way to becoming a person & i have a heart beat!

i kant wait to have fun and play with my mommy!
have her hugs ,tender kisses nd have her pick names for me like jayden,john or tommy
i kant wait to share the joy of seeing mommy smile !
it wont take long, only 9 months , it'll only just take a while.

i kant wait to see daddy , i wonder.. will he love me?
will he play games nd walk all the way to school right with me?
will he help me with homework ? or take me to the park ?
will we play with action figures like wrestlers nd a shark ?


i wonder will i have moms or dads nose ?
will i be a model for the camera.. like lights, camera, action den POSE !?
will they give me all the love i need?
will they be proud to say yea that is my seed?

i wonder what my parents will look like?
will they teach me games to play nd how to ride a bike?
will i have their eyes,hands and their nose?
will mommy be proud with her head held high when i start to show?

what is this pain that iam feeling?
i kan feel something sharp hitting me, having my skin pealing
what is that sharp tip poking my body?
is it pain that i feel or do i need to go potty?

i feel weaker by the minute ,kant hold together
weaker den enything nd lighter then a feather
i lose complete control nd my eyes just close shut
Am i falling asleep again or what?

im in a place kalled heaven now nd im up here with god
didnt know what place this was nd it felt kinda odd
but I like it here and i have wings
i've met alot of nice people where angels happily sing
ill never forget you,ill always be ur guide
so when you think ur alone just remember i'm by ur side.