I'm here to stay ....

Ima bow to myself proudly because I'm proud of me !
I'm now stronger than ever nd not anyone gunna break my pride nd faith !

The young woman iam not is fone with the girl I once was !

The new me has no time to walk back when she's ran as fast as she can from where she's started .. The new me here to stay nd I ain't tryna look back ... At all

Sad

Lastnight when I came from the gym I looked around the room nd yess it needs some fixing up
I wanted to clean but I was sooo tired ..so I just stood in bed txxting my routine sadly .. I noticed everyone was knocked out
wow mad early & shet but yea..my mom comes nd asks me if her man is home yet .. Smh that's a huge problem
I stood on top sittin at the wood madera of my bed facing the window watching my mother wait for this lowlife of her boyfriend
I got closer kalled my mom over nd asked her why wait for him. ?
Just get inside nd get ur rest nd she refuses cause she wanna stay outside and wait
I just shake my head like why , why was he sent out to my mother ? To make her worry nd unhappy ?
he already know I can't stand his guys nd especially not henny or my brother
as soon as he walks in all I hear is arguing nd my nosey ass was all into it nd shet ..
I then heard fighting .. That's when everyone got up.. Went to my brothers room nd let em kno it was abt that time
he got up so fast didn't hesitate not one bit
luckily it was my mother beating the crap outta him .. Goodjob mom !!!
He speeds out the house like the lil pussy he is
nd my sister walks in the room faces her head down nd tells me mommys crying
that had to be the biggest heartbreaker of then all
I walked towards the room door " mommy.. " I cried .. She seds" que ?"
"are u okay ?" I asked .. Si , si. Go to sleep it's late she tells me .. I put my head down sad in digust anger nd all the above I wanted
to kill that nigga .. I wakeup i'm on the phone with my bestfriend telling her what happened
I open the door nd I see that nigga layed out on her bed -____- WTF smh
this is where it begins the cold hearted bitch is coming out of me nd I will treat him like nothing but a piece of shit !

Wow

Yesterday I had a good day went by Monroe to help my bestfriend with her GED..
Wow the amount of haters sttarring nd grilling was not surprising but in my head I'm like are u serious ? Like how old are we???
-_- smh.. There was some big gurl on the 5th floor nd we seen some cutie passed by in long black hair.. Can't front he was a cutie nd he was starring at my bestfriend Diana .. So the fat gurl saids Ayee que papiiiiii .. I turned looked at her, looked at my bestfriend then looked down nd started rollinnnnn...I'm the type dat if I can't hold my laugh then Ima let it be nd laugh.. I ran into the staircase nd laughed over nd over again .. I had the mean laugh attack..smh man that made my day.. Then another gurl I guess they were friends goes instigates nd tells her I was laughing at ha like obviously duhh idc tell the world idc ..I hate most females smh .. I'm more calm but when u get me mad it's ova lol .. Nah but I didn't take it serious tho I was like w.e man nd kept laughing.
after leaving the skool I went on to Cj house my other bestfriend, we chilled with his moms ate nd all that .. I can tell Diana had a great time so I'm glad.. We thinking abt goin to almas this week but we bringing my god son Jayden aka chunky monkey
I love that little baby boy before he was even born , cutest lil thing : )
I loveeeee my bestfriends Diana nd Cj ... I have lots of bestfriends but my mains is Cj nd Diana
so after that went on to Diana crib nd saw the video :( yessss that video had me thinking sooo much I couldn't sleeep
I slept alil bit but then woke back up around 4 in the morning I wish I had someone up to talk to around the time .. Smh everyone be knocked out ..that was just crazy the words I heard out of that gurls mouth word for word shook me in shock
it made re-think my wholeee life .. I'm getting a copy of that nd showing all my friends.. Then Ima turn it in English nd let everyone see it
this is gods word that has to be spread because helll is no joke at all nd people joke like it's a silly game .. Even Kidd the ages of 8 yrs old get dragged in there nd it ain't cute at all smhhhh!

I see why my cousin tries so hard to get me saved nd dedicated.. It's crazy

so I just woke up .. 8:45 in the a.m... Why becuss these lunatics wanna fight early in the mornin... I'm tired of living here .. I want my husband nd my own place ! this is constant the yelling nd back talking with my mother nd sister .. My sister talks back to Anything nd thinks her friends are everything to her nd are the ones that are gunna get her somewhere in life .. Yesterday I recieved bad news.. The stupid yabc has everything messed up that's wen Justin told me if u dnt Have ur stuff in place, noone will cause they dnt.. Only stupid reason I didn't graduate becuss they fckin stupid nd unorganized..nd now I have a good amount of credits in all the wrong places SMH!
I'm fcckinnn 20!!!! Like WTF .,, I dnt wanna be in highskool smhhh !
Hopefully by Jan I get out idc ! Feels like when everything seems to be right , shet goes wrong smh.. I'm so done
going today to the doctors getting my last shot then going with the best friend to signup for her GED do she can get it together as well

Smh

Still waitin on nitch or Omar for the ride smhhhh I'm sickkk right now -_-

A good thing x3

After waking up in shenee house I get a txxt from a good friend I was in skool with named steph just like me .. She just had a baby nd is struggling I was told her when she's in need of help to let me kno nd I'll be there for her ... One of the things I loveee is food bit when someones in need especially if they've been there for me I'm going to help.. Nd sooo far I've gathered eggs, salami, platanos, bananas, Sazon,cereal ,juice, fruits nd bread ... Some other stuff too ..I'm so glad I'm able to do good deeds such as these .. I love making others happy nd cry for joy.. I love to be a good help.. Just like last yr wrapping presents for kids who dnt have anything of kids I dnt even know..when I see a homeless person I give in even if it's my last dollar... I wish I cudve gave steph money but I have no job right now smh nd in tryna get out this program I'm in nd finish !
nd so it's looking slow for the navy career for me.. Is not somthing I wanna do..
I wanna live in Atlanta with my sister on the side where there's blackboys..lol .. Go to college for my major do good, get a job.. Live near the doctor family that helps me nd someday get married nd have a stable life depending on me !
Nd god.. Live a Christian positive life leading a positive path .
Waiting till 7 to drop off her food .. Abt to go do my eyebrows.. I dnt want my boo to see me looking like Oscar the one who be in the garbage can from sesame street... Lmfao nd I need to get a couple of supplies fir my classes tryna be on my shit .. Not lettin noone or nuffenn stop me ... Missing___________ at this point.. Well alil bit .. I neva let him know how I really feel.. I be on that frontin shit like I dnt like him.. Lol idk it's a habit I'm used to ... Is just fun to me .. Lol
nd ----- is getting better than that night .. He was tweakin but he bak .. Smh he good right now..
! Enyways off this for Now : )

Not good

So far I ain't liking this .. Eddie he's asking questions that are leading me to think something else.. I mean I don't wanna judge him right away but idkk Ima continue my guards up with this one ...smh I hope this ain't wat I think it is... This is better early to know then lata on

Lmfao!!!

Lmfaooooooooooooooo I'm laughing so loud to myself right now .. Ima go on a Malik video mission I swear nd Ima tape everything I see ... Some girl dead just got the train doors closed on her.. Dahm dats mean ... :/... Wait here it come... Hahahahahahahahahaha !!!

Smmfh never again !!!!

Soooo tight right now man-_-
I got up mad early because genesis stupid bf , lover or boo w.e he is to her told me abt some job on Madison square garden in some restutant on 25th street ..I'm upset cause he he sed he was gonna be there nd he's said he would explain everything when I hot there but noooo I had to get up early , dressed professionally , nd I actually looked like a beautiful educated woman u know I was proud of myself .. I couldve been sleepin like seriously! Ughh!
Tight right now once I got there he was nowhere to be found nd his kalls were either not picked up or going straight to voicemail.. I felt myself turning into the hulk I was so pissed .. I just wanted to snuff the first white person I seen downtown... Smh like c'mon man we two grown ppl .. Too old for shit like this.. Mature people dnt sink this Low .. Like getting stoodup is sooo not kool smhh ugh so mad.. But shoutouts to lesbian Ashley Krystal who tried helping me thru bbm.. I appreciate it nd she felt bad awww ( bbm hugs to her .) now I'm heading to skool with professional clothes on .. Smh is okay I look good in them.. Besides I got extra clothes in my bagg ..    
Hope school goes better! Smh Justin gon kill me I didn't even kall him to wake em up this morning .. Lol he'll be aight thou... I'm type tired .. Broke night talking to shenee,Eddie,Trevor, Justin nd Diana .. It was a goodnight of conversation..lol they were all interesting..nd dito I havnt txxt ihop boy in mad long.. I think he gets the hint that I'm not into him.. Well atleast some ppl know when to stop.. dahm I THINk I gotta take a shit but I'm not sure.. Dnt know if I shud go to skool first or go to my dads .. But then again my dad left wit my sister to the board of Ed so idkkk.. Wth ima do at skool so dahm early ..smh lol still thinking about that doctor who kalled me raven symone at the hospital ... Lmfao smh everyone was dead looking fir raven too that's the funny shit.. Lmao.. Dats funny! Smh.. One more rabbie shot nd I'm doneeeee yesss !
Life is good besides today.. Going to cj's to sleepover Thursday.. Then Friday going to church with a friend. Lol who's getting better with the lord nd I'm proud of him ! 

Yessssssss !

Yessssssssssssssssss!!!!

Finallllllllyyyy I'm cheezinnn right nowww! 

My room is spotless babyyyy ! 

No more bags ! No more crap of clothes nd shit I dnt need ! Hope it stays this way deadass ughh now off to erikas house to chill wit her nd cusso Eric .. Sleeping over since I'm just down the block ... Maybe idk If I'm sleeping over yet ...Kant wait for skool 2moro .. Wanna see people tomorrow :D

Mi Manito Rickkk ..lol

my Manito rickyy lol who kalls me monkey black -_________- lml

THE BEST

IDCCCCCCC WHAT ENYONE SAY ...THIS IS THE BEST JUICE IVE HAD IN YEARS..MY MOMS BOUGHT IT THIS MORNING ND IT FELT LIKE HEAVEN..IMA MAKE SURE IM RESPONSIBLE FOR STICKING TO THIS JUICE AT ALL TIMES..=]

: )

So me nd my sister stood cleaning up the room till like almost 6 in the a.m smh nd that shit still isn't finished that's how ju Noe dat shit is serious!!! We still got bags nd tons of fckin stuff to throw out .. Nigga henny sed let's go behind where the park is at nd throw the bags down in that space inside the fence from across the street .. Lmmfaooo shit had me rollinnn ahh meng my sis is a clown man smh.. Waiting on my bro Rick to braid his hair .. That nigga stay kallin me monkey black.. I gotta come up with a name for him ..I'm glad Josh worked it out with this girl he really loves her nd opened up to me odee .. Feel special :D
but dahm love can REALLY change someone it's crazy ..

I actually had the weridest dream nd I cannot remember what happened.. Lol smh ,wen I remember then I'll blog abt it again umm yeaa off this till I come again

oh before I get offthis .. I found this very old pic of me & my bestfriend turns out we been in the same kindergarden class & didn't even know it .. So fckin happy right now !! Lmao I know I'm happy but thats my bestfriend I love her to death nd to have her there all my life is awesome :D. Watch her be shocked at the picture .. Lol : )

God is good : ]

So today Ima throwout all those clothes I don't need , throwout all them dahm bags nd clean it up nice nd spotless with some mr clean or amoniaa .. Ilove to clean wen I'm cleaning my way at my own time wit blasted music I wanna hear .. Here txxtin my looser .. Lol he the best I swear he is .. I trust him so much nd respect him alot for the fact that he never desrespected me in no type of way..nd I can tell him everything.. Any thing that happens Diana nd him gotta be the first ones too know.. As well as shenee too ofcourse ...but I know for a fact I dnt wanna be stressed worried about nothing or noone..
Ima focus on getting a dahm job, focus on my future .. Keep being me.. Everyday ima enjoy my music on blast, everyday Ima thank nd talk to god as well as try to get our relationship back where it was at amen! ..Ima still be that girl to love doin my hair,gettin nails done..doing wat I love doin best being a girl nd loving it.. Live my life to the fullest...not running from obsticles but facing them .. That's wat u kall a human.. A Strong human outside & within

God is love :: stephanie lavigat _x

Well I'm glad he stopped nd he decided to be mature abt it .. Smh .. Ughh I hate arguing with him but he just something else sometimes .. But enyways I'm dead mad how this nigga intended to kill himself because his girl wudnt take em back.. That's just fcking crazy smhhhhh ! 

LOQUITA REMIX -dis my shit ..i cud repeat this all day =]

MYSTERIOUSbeauty x3

Dear blogspot , 
  pissed off nd I'm way to stressed nd tired to be dating or dealing with any type of creAture that walks around with a heArt bd a dick so ....

P.s : it's me myself & I 

Smh screwed hands

So last night I came through to jadi house for her birthday.. Chilled wit sone guys -_- turns out the world is too small cause they live in the same hood but is not like me nd junior was talkin on sone serious type shit .. It was on sone regular shit so is all good.. Junior sweet but he's not wat I pictured.. Niggas mad short, tiny , nd rey nd his friend mostly Rey kept like fckin wit him.. Nd it didn't look like he can strongly defend himself.. I was like nah man I need me a man but he was kool.. So at yadii crib I got bit by her pitbull on both hands nd I made up some story to defend their stupid fcking dogg dat bit me but I did it fir Rene cause I saw it in face how much he cared for the dogg but dahm now Ima have to go through all these fcking shots nd shit nd keep going bak -_-  I'm stupid right ?smh yes Iam I'm wayyy to nice nd I hate that abt me .. Grrr! Even tho alex nd me weren't at not so good terms when my sister called him he paid a cab nd stood at the hospital with me all those hours nd even tho he got some bad habits sometimes it showed a strong care towards our friendship .. Nd it takes alot.. Jadi or Rene shudve been the ones there with me smh..but it's w.e I'm in pain can hardly write .. The itouch is sooo much easier to tap lightly on.. Which is why I'm blogging away ..here hanging on trying to be strong.. 

Here on under the dryer .. Put the blond highlights back in .. Gotta get my brows done nd all lat tho.. Nitch kalled me appoligized abt that "room" comment .. I guess he supposably doesn't mean it like that.. He wants to go out tonite .. Let's see wT happens cause my bestfriend Diana asked first .. I think I'm going to start a photoshoot in my house .. Lol I loveeeeeee all this picture stuff ! Lml . ... Idk why but listening to this Spanish music ... Makes me keep thinking abt that Spanish boy in ihop.. Lol shenee seds we wudnt look right together thou .. She keeps insisting how I would look better with a black guy -_- lmaooo ... Maybe it's time for something different thou.. See where it goes.. But he really is a cutie tho .. Lml ughh enough abt boyss ...I want a job already but something always comes up grrr ! nd I wanna go to a Spanish party ! With food, drinks nd Bachata wit merengue ! Where's dat at?!! Grrr! .. Finally bak on bbm but it been so long that me nd bbm buddies dnt talk the same as we used to.. Oh well fck it ...this dryer is really burning 
Me but my hair ain't dry yet ... Nd in order for it to come out official tissue it musssst be fully dry ! I'm sooooo hungry .. Ima make nitch buy me food!     
Off this tho .. Gonna go watch monster in law on the touch... I love all movies wit j-lo ... I love the way she acts in em.. Lml outtie !  

Shenees b-day

So I'm finally home .. Jus came from chillen wit shenee nd her boo nd her boos friend .. At first I was like oh okay he's cute but he wasn't as cute as I expected but he was really nice do I started talkin to him enyways nd ihop again.. Lol was kool .. Bagged some Spanish guy that works there named Joey.. Lol idk wat it is abt us gurls but somehow we just know .. Lol I knew by the vibe between us that someone had to bag.. Lol .. I mean he's cute but I think I look better with a black guy.. I think ima txxt him 2moro or the after that .. Lol I dnt wanna be no feen .. Lol na mean? Lml ..was talking to Trevor..my gosh he so gourgeous ..lol .. He flirts too much but he a fronter sometimes so I ain't even gonna go hard for him.. Is like when u tryna be on ya dolo shit. , Do u nd stick to ya circle is wen boys appear the most -_-like whyyy? Smh! I dnt really wnt enything right now but whatever happens , happens.. Ima flow wit life the way it go... Dnt plan shet , just live it !

 

So the guy who wanted to take me  DEF ain't the guy that I expected ..homeboy txxted me talking abt we can go to the room -______- like my mans are u on crack ? Do I look stupid or Ed to u ? A room? Smh yea aight .. I dnt think so.. So is ova for that he ain't even getting a date with me.. nomore..enyways today went well.. I stood on the phone wit my friend from highskool izzy for like a good 2 hrs..talking abt boys nd boy issues..nd etc..we had a pretty good convo.. Idk what it was but this morning I woke ip different like I wanted change .. Change for myself nd for the better.. I need to be better I dnt wanna be that hurting person who's lost inside nd is hurting others as well so i made myself a future checklist nd I did one of the hardest things I ever had to do but I think it's worth it... I wanna do my room over.. I wanna focus more on my classes nd look forward to the job thingy bobbylee got for me at Madison square garden.. I wanna save up money till I have enough for everything I'm planning. Idc if it takes forever to do this on my own.. I just got rid of my facebook .. Done with that.. Well for now cause it's too much drama plus I was a facebook nd aim head.. Nd I need to breAk out that computer habit pronto ! So some dum shit happened but I'm just mad abt the way it happened but w. E I'm here txxtin Justin nd on bbm wit Tyquan nd besty roman at home watching my siblings wit headphones clogged into my ears constantly repeating case - missing you .., over nd over nd over.. Mind u.. Idk who the fck I'm thinking abt.. Mind thoughts are just traveling throughout my mind.. Wat I feel right Now is hard to explain like.. It's like ur proud abt the first step ur making towards the goal u wanna reach but at the same time there's this part of u that's reminding u of what ur tryna move on from nd it's a Killa.. Nd then ( sighhh) emotions is fckin crazy ... No joke smh 

P. S -- I feel u case 

FOotPrints. . .

Footprints Poem
By Unknown Author

One night a man had a dream.
He dreamed he was walking along the beach with the Lord.
Across the sky flashed scenes from his life.
For each scene he noticed two sets of footprints in the sand:
one belonging to him, and the other to the Lord.

When the last scene of his life flashed before him,
he looked back at the footprints in the sand.
He noticed that many times along the path of his life,
there was only one set of footprints.
He also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times in his life.

This really bothered him and he questioned the Lord about it:
"Lord, you said that once I decided to follow you, you?d walk with me all the way
But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life,
there is only one set of footprints.
I don't understand why when I needed you most you would leave me."

The Lord replied:
"My son, my precious child, I love you and I would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you."

Smh

So went to the movies with my two bestfriends .. Diana & Nani  .. I wasn't too happy abt seeing scary movies but w.e still loved being with my closest realest girls .. Nd surprisly I get a call from my ex .. I was like wows look at this .. Lol he wanted to chill but I was going to the movies & well my bestfriends come first nd I had plans with them first.. Sucks alil bit but whatever we'll always have another time plus he lives right there so we good... So today went pretty well except for the fact that the excosim however its spelled was garbage -_- like I dead wanted my Money back .. Smmfh ! never again.. Nxxt I'm out to see the expandable no if Nds or buts .. So I really wanna be able to fully express myself truthfully on myblog but it's hard wen u know people read it.. 

Idk....

So nitch from my building wanted to take me out to eat nd I sed no -_- like a dumasss nd now I'm craving fries & chicken grrr ! So yes i'm starving but when is there ever food .. Most of the time there ain't shit to eat .. Smh .. Abt to eat out the cereal box ! lol I was upset today but txxtin Malik nd his dahm jokes .. Smh he was born to be a clown I swear .. Lol but enyways yea I'm mad at myself cause I stay hurting peoples feelings without noticing .. Nd now I notice after hours of thinking abt it .. I hurt alex all the time ..I hurt auty the day of the party with what I said.. I hurt Alma cause I hardly keep untouch with her nd go wen I need something (smh) no bueno.. I stood up my bestfriend Cj for the sleepover..I hurt Allen feelings when I curve em nd dnt wanna see em in my house.. John liked me much nd I curved more than enough times  .. He kalled me a bitch nd I can't even be mad ..nd much more smh .. Dahm am I really a bitch & dnt see it ? 

All I kan say is dahm :/

Smh

Ughh I'm feeling like shit cause I hurt someone nd I ain't the type to hurt anyone.. Mattafact scratch that I'm the type that hurt people nd don't notice it smh ...

Fml !!!!!!!! 

My moms bf just blew mine ! He see me wit panties on on the couch nd still stays staring like WTF u fckin perv smmfh angry moment feeling mad uncomfortable

Ray J - Anytime (w/ lyrics)

So today was great went to ihop for the first time wit Tyquan sis nisha .. She hit me up yo go so we went then afterwards I served her some food my moms made .. Nd we talked about alot.. Boys , relationships, church all lat ..and ofcourse walking from my house with Allen to nisha house I seen her brother my ex calling me from the balcony .. Lol he got darker too...my lil sis started interagating his ass abt his tatts & telling him to put his shirt on it was too funny ..lmao but seeing him again was kool .. Then at ihop we ate laughed nd shet it was gud money .. Coming back we see Ty again & guess what he tells me .. How's Von -______- all I did was turn my face like ohhh man here we go .. Lol ..but I knt lie Ty still looks good ..;) lmao ..I'm mad how he tried to give me a pound like really ? I'm a lady u give us hugs man .. Lol but enyways he sister wild kool .. We Are sisters , at that ! Lml enyways ..jeaa I'm tired gunna hit that shower & take my ass to bed : )

p.s dueces !

-I'm scared to tell steph dnt Noe how she'll react ..

-let me eat ur pussy out but dnt tell steph .. She annoys me.. I just wanna do it once

- come see me but dnt tell steph ....

-- how long am I " supposably" Supposed to belive he's just dique testing my friends -_______- ?

I shud turn this shit into a song ! :D

Why her - m o n i c a

So I'm here on my couch reading an old ass convo from last year .. Nd it didn't really put me down because i read my words, my responses nd some were funny ... Dique me saying no dnt dissapear lmfaoooo.... Sheesh I was so corny nd so inlovee lml .. Now that I'm older nd I'm not the same girl I wish the convo wouldve been a different written story cause it makes me alil mad thinking abt the whole thing but I mean is w.e cause it's the past but like u know ..nd Im here listening to why her by Monica funny shit is that my bestfriend went thru a similar sittiation nd we connected that's wat made me grow something big for Monica her music I was able to relate to .. I mean after that I forgave em didn't hold nothing against him because I still loved him .. Nd that's when a new guy came into my life again that I went to highschool with .. B4 we were friends nd then we txxted nd kalled eachother everyday then we began to chill & he asked me out exactly on a Thursday around 11 something .. Lol ..I felt different .. I dnt ever do relationships so to go into this one it felt different & new .. I felt I was lifted up after that stupid lol sittuation ..nd me nd him would talk .. With him no lie all I did was laugh nd smile .. Nd we watched madea whenever I wanted too nd as much as I wanted too.. Maury was our show in the mornings & all lat ..I just felt officially accepted nd I actually felt important cause he wanted a relationship knowing it's a commitment nd knowing I told em I was a virgin I wasn't planning on loosing it no time soon nd he still wanted to so you know I was glad.. & you kno I think that's what made me feel a strong thing for him .. He kan be a bafoon sometimes but Ima hold that with him& remember that .. & someone who I love prolly may read this soon or later nd it's not that I wanna put em down cause I love him with everything I've got ..& that doesn't change nd he knows his love is way stronger than any other man besides my dad nd god in this world .. He's like the man I can see marrying nd having my kids too .. He's my highschool sweetheart ..he's my baby, my boo , my husband w.e he wants to name it as... He's the one I wake up thinking abt.. Nd all lat..& for him if ask me to wash a bitch I will do it ..& he just always gunna have the biggest part of my heart
we got real love idc who thinks or seds opposite of that .. Cause at the end of the day we gunna always love eachother <3

p.s ilywamh ( our inny )