striped in half

I'm stripped in half abt to sides of me that constantly contridict eachother ..
Apart of me wants a relationship , apart me wanna just have flows nd have fun nd another part of me just wants to be single nd be greedy enjoying me nd making my money ..I'm so werid that wen I see couples together I'm like dahm nd want that but wen I do have it then it feels werid nd at times end up not wanting it ..I'm so werid like that nd don't know why smh ..I remember wit my ex it felt regular in the relationship but apart of me didn't rlly wanna be in it cause it felt mad werid for the fact that most of my life I neva did relationships nd if I did ..never passed a month in em smh ..then after breaking up with him , I wanted him back smh ..its like I didn't know what exactly I wanted ..but I do pass my days wondering how it wud feel like to be loved by ONE person ..to be the only ONE ..so used to talking to guys who talk to more flows but either I'm not good enuff to settle wit or they not good enuff for me to settle with nd its a BLOW .. (smh) but then comes times where idc ..cause I rlly don't like to sleep on guys I talk too ..I let it be nd let it flow ..whateva happens , happens ..cause whatevers meant to be , if its supposed to be it WILL happen ..